Does your old mum have a strong constitution and a healthy sense of humour? If not, please don't read on.
Still here? Then I guess you want something completely different for Mothering Sunday, yes? It helps if Mum resides in or near St Albans, UK, but with today's technology that's not essential. You could move her there, of course, if you're very quick. It is a lovely, historic, city - but I digress.
Okay. The next instructions come in two flavours:
1) If she lives in/near St Albans: Wake Mum up at 10:00am tomorrow with the wireless (if she doesn't know what that is, she's not mature enough for the next bit) tuned in to Radio Verulam on 96.6 FM.
2) If she lives anywhere else in the world: Wake Mum up at 10:00am (BST) - no, honestly, she'll love you for this - with her laptop logged-on to Radio Verulam and hit the "Listen Live" button.
If you've followed the above instructions correctly you'll soon hear the honeyed tones of the lovely Elspeth Jackman introducing her Sunday morning music and interview show called Tracks of Your Life. This week there'll be a eclectic mix of sixteen unlikely music tracks interspersed with rambling, bumbling, cockups and very occasional attempts at humour by some weirdo called Oscar Windsor-Smith.
Do be prepared for some surprises. In one or two households - mainly around the UK - Mum will pull a funny face and perhaps employ an unaccustomed expletive or two. At this point no doubt you'll laugh at her antics, particularly when she says: "I don't know what you're laughing at, that idiot's your dad."
You have been warned.
Whatever you do, have a great day. And be kind to Mum.